Words for Wednesday: Change

Change. Some people love it and some people dread it. But remember, progress is impossible without change. I came across a quote I saw on the internet yesterday that said "Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together." When life seems like it couldn't get any worse, sometimes it is a sign that you need change in your life. You have to ask yourself why are these bad things happening to me? What could be the cause of the problem? Am I the problem or am I just doing the wrong things? These questions can help you figure out what the problem is, but sometimes even if you aren't the problem a little change in your scene can do wonders. In order to change, one must make a serious effort to change the way they think and what they think about. This may seem so impossible to do, especially when you feel your thoughts racing around in all sorts of directions. But, hopefully I can attempt to help settle your thoughts and inspire a change within all of you with some tips I have below.

1) Identify the Problem: I don't mean by blaming others for the situation you are in. I mean, take a closer look at yourself to figure out why you do the things you do. Figure out why you attract certain people who may not be good in your life. Figure out why you act out and rebel. Figure out why things are not headed in the direction you want them to go. Sometimes this takes a long time to figure out. But, try talking to your friends or your parents or maybe even a professional to figure out the root of the problem.

2) Make Goals: Once you have figured out what the problem is, you need to find out how to fix them. Change won't happen overnight, but you can do small things everyday to help reach your ultimate goal. You need to create a model in your mind on the person you ultimately want to be. What does that person look like? How do they react to situations? What are their values? What do they look for in different relationships and friendships? Make a mental or written list on the qualities of the kind of person you want to be. Use this list to help write your long terms goals. From there, make short term goals you can achieve everyday. For example, if your long term goal is to attract better friends into your life....make short terms goals that can help achieve that. Some short terms goals could include, doing more activities that involve other people you can meet. Join another club or try being friendly to more people on a daily basis.

3) PUT THE PLAN IN MOTION: Don't just sit on these goals and let them get dusty. Actually attempt to change your life. Even when you feel like crying, just get outside. Trust me, it helps just to go outside and get some fresh air. A change in scene can immediately make you feel better. Once you are out and about, follow some things on that list. Change starts with you not with others. You need to become proactive if you are serious about this.

4) Change the Way You Think: This one is the HARDEST step. No matter what you do or what you try, if you are going through a rough time your thoughts will be racing all the time. Sometimes it feels no matter what you do to distract yourself, you just can't do it. However, this attitude of thinking you have no control over your thoughts is what gets you into deep trouble. YOU and ONLY YOU have control over your thoughts. You can CHOOSE to be happy. What I found to be the most helpful in changing the way I think is to not be so SELFISH. Start thinking about what you can do for others instead of your own feelings and sadness. Focus your sorrow or your anger into a cause or a passion. Realize that other people have problems whether they be big or small. Innocent people in other countries are getting bombed while you sit here crying about your problems. That is the most extreme case you can look at, but other people are going through their own problems and their own heartache. Maybe try and help them with their problems. Go out and volunteer or just help a friend out. Focus your mind on something other than YOU. It will help, I promise.

5) Do Things You Enjoy: My last point is to just do things you enjoy. This may seem so impossible to do because you feel like you can't enjoy anything. But, after you have focused your mind on something other than yourself you can find time to do the things you used to enjoy. Go on a small trip somewhere, go outside, go for a hike or a swim,  or go exercise and listen to your favorite music. This will even bring the smallest bit of happiness into your life. Surround yourself with people you love and life should get a little easier.

I know change can be really hard, but sometimes you really do need things to hit rock bottom before they get better. Just keep that in mind and realize that other people are going through even worse things than you. Just count your blessings. Hope this helps you all out!

Love,
Alexa

The Guide to A Successful First Date

First dates are so exhilarating, yet so damn nerve racking! The nerves of finally having some one-on-one time to get to know someone can be overwhelming sometimes. Many thoughts race through our heads such as "Will it be awkward?", "How do I greet them?", and "How do I keep the conversation going?" Sometimes these nerves can get the better of us and prevent us from having an enjoyable time. First dates are really great because you really get to learn about a person and it can so be fun! While some of you may have had bad date experiences, don't let that get you down because all people are different and you may actually meet someone you "click" with. So get rid of those nerves and get excited! Here are some tips I have for a successful first date:

1) Get Rid of The Nerves: This one may be really hard to do, but trust me it is no use being nervous over something that could turn out to be really fun. The best thing you can do if you're nervous is to work it out and do something that gets you excited. Working out naturally makes you feel better and releases some of your anxiety. Plus, it's really good for you! Play some music that gets you pumped up and excited. Take time primping yourself and making yourself feel good. All of this should help with those nerves.

2) Pick A Good Location: Picking a good location is pretty important on a first date. Usually, something casual is great. Go for a casual bite to eat or for a walk or even do something outdoors if it is nice out. Try and avoid movies on a first date because you really don't get to chat and learn about each other. Some of you may want to opt for the movie because you're nervous about awkward silence, but don't let that get to you! Would you rather have awkward silences and get to know someone or wait till your already emotionally involved to learn more about them? Part of making sure if you're with the right person is getting to know them. So, location is key! Do something you both can enjoy, but also have time to talk.

3) The Greeting: How should you greet a person you have either just met or that you are going on a first date with? This one really is a personal preference. If you are usually a friendly outgoing person there is no harm in going in for a hug! You really can never go wrong with that. Even if the other person awkwardly tries to shake your hand while you go in for a hug, it's not a big deal. They are probably just as nervous as how to greet you as you are. Just remember they asked you out, so a hug shouldn't be a bad greeting. If you are uncomfortable with that, then by all means introduce yourself and shake their hand.

4) Asking The Right Questions: After reading up on first dates and the stats on successful first dates, studies show that dates go better when women let the guys ask most of the questions. I'm not sure as to why this is true, but in my book there is no harm in asking questions and getting to know someone better. Sometimes talking about yourself too much can make you seem to into yourself. So ask some questions! Don't make it an interview, but do follow the conversation and ask questions when the conversation heads in that direction. For example, if he asks you about what places you have traveled to or always wanted to go, you can reply and then ask him either the same question or something different. Just make sure to stay clear of any questions regarding religion or politics. Those are usually questions to save for later after you have had your first date.

6) Who Pays?: As a women, always offer to pay for yourself even if you know he wants to pay for you. It's the polite thing to do. If he tells you he has got it, then let him pay...don't go back and forth on deciding who is paying for what. Be gracious and offer, but if he insists to pay then let him. Don't argue!

7) The Goodbye: This one is completely up to you and what you are comfortable with. If you like the person and you guys are clicking, then if you want to you can kiss them. It shows that you really enjoyed yourself. However, if you did like them, but you are afraid of kissing them..then you can either let them kiss you or just tell them what a good time you had and that you would like to hang out again. Just give them a big hug and say thank you. And now worst case scenario, you had a bad time, then just thank them and either hug them goodbye or wave.

POST DATE TIPS:

1) Texting: If you really had a good time and the guy has made it clear to you that he had a good time, you can text them either much later after the date or the next day and just thank them for a good time. It is polite and it lets them know you had fun. However, if they don't respond...DON'T KEEP TEXTING THEM. A lot of guys who are interested will usually text you a day or two after the date. Sometimes they even text the same day. However, if they don't and you still think they had a good time with you, then just text them a "thank you for a good time" and see if they respond. If you are really unsure of how you're date went then let him text you first.
2) Asses The Date, But Don't Over Analyze: After the date you can think about how you either had a good time or a bad time and if you possibly like this person. Just please don't over analyze every little thing! If you feel the date went badly and you were confused why he didn't kiss you, then just leave it alone. If he is still interested he will text you and if he isn't then move on. It isn't a big deal if he doesn't like you back. There are plenty of fish in the sea. Just enjoy dating around and meeting people!

OTHER TIPS:
1) Be Decisive: No one wants to wait around while you take forever to decide what you want to eat or what you want to do. If he gives you some options, then pick one!
2) Dress for The Activity: Never over or under dress for the occasion. If you guys are getting a casual bite to eat or are walking around, dress cute, but definitely not too casual. If you guys are going hiking, then dress appropriately! The only time you should over dress is when he tells you that you are going somewhere really nice.
3) EAT!!!: Some people have this irrational fear of eating in front of the opposite sex. It's time to get over this fear! For the most part, unless you really are a super messy eater, most people don't notice because they are focused on what you are saying. They are most likely to notice if you don't eat anything than if you were to eat.

Hope this all helps with your next first date. JUST ENJOY YOUR TIME!
Love,
Alexa