Your Ultimate Guide to Summer 2015

Summer is the best time to take a breather and enjoy some time to yourself. Whether you are on summer vacation bumming around or you are interning/working this summer this bucket list I've compiled will no doubt help some of you have the best summer possible. I hope you guys try some of these awesome ideas. Don't forget to take lots of pictures for keepsakes!

Summer Bucket List
1) Go on a road trip with friends
2) Go to a music festival or outdoor concert and crowd surf
3) Go to a planetarium and look through a cool telescope
4) Take your friends to race go-karts
5) Camp out on the beach all night
6) Have a picnic in Central Park
7) Learn how to surf or go paddle-boarding
8) Have a barbecue with friends
9) Go to a cool art gallery
10) Have a bonfire on the beach
11) Light off fireworks
12) Go Kayaking
13) Find a place that has a drive-in movie theater
14) Go four-wheeling
15) Learn something new or pick up a new hobby
16) Learn how to drive a boat
17) Go jet skiing and wakeboarding
18) Party on a rooftop in NYC
19) Go Cliff Jumping
20) Go Tubing


Music I Can't Stop Listening To:
1) Can You Blame Me by Matt and Kim
2) Get It by Matt and Kim
3) Budapest by George Ezra
4) Cassy'O by George Ezra
5) Everything Is Easy by Third Eye Blind
6) Flashed Junk Mind by Milky Chance
7) Chasin' Honey by Wild Party
8) Until We Can't (Let's Go) by Passion Pit
9) Drawing Board by George Ezra
10) Back Home by Andy Grammer

I hope you guys have one awesome summer with these fun ideas.

Love,
Alexa

Fall In Love With These Autumn Date Ideas

The change from summer to fall is difficult for most of us, especially with the start of the new school year. But, fall is also an exciting time when the leaves start to change color and the air gets cooler. Whether you're going on a date this weekend or just hanging out with your friends, these date ideas are perfect for this autumn season.

1) Go Apple Picking: Fall is the perfect time to take that special someone, or even a friend, apple picking. After the date, you two can even make apple pie or other delicious apple desserts.

2) Visit A Pumpkin Patch: Pick out some pumpkins you and your date can carve and decorate later. You can display them in your dorm room or outside your house/apartment. Don't forget to take pictures as well!

3) Get Cozy with a Bonfire: Break out the chocolate, marshmallows, and graham crackers and get cozy with your date. The crisp weather makes this the perfect excuse to cuddle up with each other.

4) Head Over to Your Local Farmers Market: Take your date out for day of local shopping. Pick up some apple cider or some local crafts. Spend the day exploring the area and seeing what your town has to offer.

5) Actually Go to A Football Game: Even if you don't like football, going to the game could be a great time to enjoy the fall weather and a perfect time to get to know your date.

6) Have Some Friendly Competition: Who said a little competition hurt anyone? Go paint-balling, go-karting, or rock climbing with your date.

7) Go Hiking: Kick yourself out of bed early in the morning and enjoy the sunshine. Get active while getting to know your date. Hiking gives you a lot of time to talk and look at the scenery.

8) Leave Town: Try something new and leave town. Go explore an area you guys have never been to. Pick a restaurant you wouldn't normally pick and have dinner there.

9) Have A Night In: Cook dinner together and rent a movie you have never seen before. You can even make the meal festive for the season.

10) Halloween Movie Marathon: Get ready for the halloween season and rent a bunch of your favorite halloween movies. Cuddle up with a warm blanket, some apple pie, and maybe even a fire.

Try out at least one of these date ideas and I guarantee you won't regret it. And who says you need a date to have fun, grab your friends and take them out!

Love,
Alexa

Words for Wednesday: Change

Change. Some people love it and some people dread it. But remember, progress is impossible without change. I came across a quote I saw on the internet yesterday that said "Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together." When life seems like it couldn't get any worse, sometimes it is a sign that you need change in your life. You have to ask yourself why are these bad things happening to me? What could be the cause of the problem? Am I the problem or am I just doing the wrong things? These questions can help you figure out what the problem is, but sometimes even if you aren't the problem a little change in your scene can do wonders. In order to change, one must make a serious effort to change the way they think and what they think about. This may seem so impossible to do, especially when you feel your thoughts racing around in all sorts of directions. But, hopefully I can attempt to help settle your thoughts and inspire a change within all of you with some tips I have below.

1) Identify the Problem: I don't mean by blaming others for the situation you are in. I mean, take a closer look at yourself to figure out why you do the things you do. Figure out why you attract certain people who may not be good in your life. Figure out why you act out and rebel. Figure out why things are not headed in the direction you want them to go. Sometimes this takes a long time to figure out. But, try talking to your friends or your parents or maybe even a professional to figure out the root of the problem.

2) Make Goals: Once you have figured out what the problem is, you need to find out how to fix them. Change won't happen overnight, but you can do small things everyday to help reach your ultimate goal. You need to create a model in your mind on the person you ultimately want to be. What does that person look like? How do they react to situations? What are their values? What do they look for in different relationships and friendships? Make a mental or written list on the qualities of the kind of person you want to be. Use this list to help write your long terms goals. From there, make short term goals you can achieve everyday. For example, if your long term goal is to attract better friends into your life....make short terms goals that can help achieve that. Some short terms goals could include, doing more activities that involve other people you can meet. Join another club or try being friendly to more people on a daily basis.

3) PUT THE PLAN IN MOTION: Don't just sit on these goals and let them get dusty. Actually attempt to change your life. Even when you feel like crying, just get outside. Trust me, it helps just to go outside and get some fresh air. A change in scene can immediately make you feel better. Once you are out and about, follow some things on that list. Change starts with you not with others. You need to become proactive if you are serious about this.

4) Change the Way You Think: This one is the HARDEST step. No matter what you do or what you try, if you are going through a rough time your thoughts will be racing all the time. Sometimes it feels no matter what you do to distract yourself, you just can't do it. However, this attitude of thinking you have no control over your thoughts is what gets you into deep trouble. YOU and ONLY YOU have control over your thoughts. You can CHOOSE to be happy. What I found to be the most helpful in changing the way I think is to not be so SELFISH. Start thinking about what you can do for others instead of your own feelings and sadness. Focus your sorrow or your anger into a cause or a passion. Realize that other people have problems whether they be big or small. Innocent people in other countries are getting bombed while you sit here crying about your problems. That is the most extreme case you can look at, but other people are going through their own problems and their own heartache. Maybe try and help them with their problems. Go out and volunteer or just help a friend out. Focus your mind on something other than YOU. It will help, I promise.

5) Do Things You Enjoy: My last point is to just do things you enjoy. This may seem so impossible to do because you feel like you can't enjoy anything. But, after you have focused your mind on something other than yourself you can find time to do the things you used to enjoy. Go on a small trip somewhere, go outside, go for a hike or a swim,  or go exercise and listen to your favorite music. This will even bring the smallest bit of happiness into your life. Surround yourself with people you love and life should get a little easier.

I know change can be really hard, but sometimes you really do need things to hit rock bottom before they get better. Just keep that in mind and realize that other people are going through even worse things than you. Just count your blessings. Hope this helps you all out!

Love,
Alexa

The Guide to A Successful First Date

First dates are so exhilarating, yet so damn nerve racking! The nerves of finally having some one-on-one time to get to know someone can be overwhelming sometimes. Many thoughts race through our heads such as "Will it be awkward?", "How do I greet them?", and "How do I keep the conversation going?" Sometimes these nerves can get the better of us and prevent us from having an enjoyable time. First dates are really great because you really get to learn about a person and it can so be fun! While some of you may have had bad date experiences, don't let that get you down because all people are different and you may actually meet someone you "click" with. So get rid of those nerves and get excited! Here are some tips I have for a successful first date:

1) Get Rid of The Nerves: This one may be really hard to do, but trust me it is no use being nervous over something that could turn out to be really fun. The best thing you can do if you're nervous is to work it out and do something that gets you excited. Working out naturally makes you feel better and releases some of your anxiety. Plus, it's really good for you! Play some music that gets you pumped up and excited. Take time primping yourself and making yourself feel good. All of this should help with those nerves.

2) Pick A Good Location: Picking a good location is pretty important on a first date. Usually, something casual is great. Go for a casual bite to eat or for a walk or even do something outdoors if it is nice out. Try and avoid movies on a first date because you really don't get to chat and learn about each other. Some of you may want to opt for the movie because you're nervous about awkward silence, but don't let that get to you! Would you rather have awkward silences and get to know someone or wait till your already emotionally involved to learn more about them? Part of making sure if you're with the right person is getting to know them. So, location is key! Do something you both can enjoy, but also have time to talk.

3) The Greeting: How should you greet a person you have either just met or that you are going on a first date with? This one really is a personal preference. If you are usually a friendly outgoing person there is no harm in going in for a hug! You really can never go wrong with that. Even if the other person awkwardly tries to shake your hand while you go in for a hug, it's not a big deal. They are probably just as nervous as how to greet you as you are. Just remember they asked you out, so a hug shouldn't be a bad greeting. If you are uncomfortable with that, then by all means introduce yourself and shake their hand.

4) Asking The Right Questions: After reading up on first dates and the stats on successful first dates, studies show that dates go better when women let the guys ask most of the questions. I'm not sure as to why this is true, but in my book there is no harm in asking questions and getting to know someone better. Sometimes talking about yourself too much can make you seem to into yourself. So ask some questions! Don't make it an interview, but do follow the conversation and ask questions when the conversation heads in that direction. For example, if he asks you about what places you have traveled to or always wanted to go, you can reply and then ask him either the same question or something different. Just make sure to stay clear of any questions regarding religion or politics. Those are usually questions to save for later after you have had your first date.

6) Who Pays?: As a women, always offer to pay for yourself even if you know he wants to pay for you. It's the polite thing to do. If he tells you he has got it, then let him pay...don't go back and forth on deciding who is paying for what. Be gracious and offer, but if he insists to pay then let him. Don't argue!

7) The Goodbye: This one is completely up to you and what you are comfortable with. If you like the person and you guys are clicking, then if you want to you can kiss them. It shows that you really enjoyed yourself. However, if you did like them, but you are afraid of kissing them..then you can either let them kiss you or just tell them what a good time you had and that you would like to hang out again. Just give them a big hug and say thank you. And now worst case scenario, you had a bad time, then just thank them and either hug them goodbye or wave.

POST DATE TIPS:

1) Texting: If you really had a good time and the guy has made it clear to you that he had a good time, you can text them either much later after the date or the next day and just thank them for a good time. It is polite and it lets them know you had fun. However, if they don't respond...DON'T KEEP TEXTING THEM. A lot of guys who are interested will usually text you a day or two after the date. Sometimes they even text the same day. However, if they don't and you still think they had a good time with you, then just text them a "thank you for a good time" and see if they respond. If you are really unsure of how you're date went then let him text you first.
2) Asses The Date, But Don't Over Analyze: After the date you can think about how you either had a good time or a bad time and if you possibly like this person. Just please don't over analyze every little thing! If you feel the date went badly and you were confused why he didn't kiss you, then just leave it alone. If he is still interested he will text you and if he isn't then move on. It isn't a big deal if he doesn't like you back. There are plenty of fish in the sea. Just enjoy dating around and meeting people!

OTHER TIPS:
1) Be Decisive: No one wants to wait around while you take forever to decide what you want to eat or what you want to do. If he gives you some options, then pick one!
2) Dress for The Activity: Never over or under dress for the occasion. If you guys are getting a casual bite to eat or are walking around, dress cute, but definitely not too casual. If you guys are going hiking, then dress appropriately! The only time you should over dress is when he tells you that you are going somewhere really nice.
3) EAT!!!: Some people have this irrational fear of eating in front of the opposite sex. It's time to get over this fear! For the most part, unless you really are a super messy eater, most people don't notice because they are focused on what you are saying. They are most likely to notice if you don't eat anything than if you were to eat.

Hope this all helps with your next first date. JUST ENJOY YOUR TIME!
Love,
Alexa

Hey Jealousy

Jealousy always seems to get even the best of us. It's natural to feel jealous sometimes even if most of the time you are pretty confident. Jealousy only eats up your beauty. Have more faith in yourself, you got something that other people don't. Jealousy can also be a major relationship killer especially when you become so insecure that you start becoming controlling too. It may also seem as though there is no way to get rid of that awful feeling in the pit of your stomach. Comparing yourself to others will never make you feel better, it will only hinder your full potential. Comparing yourself to others arises from low self-esteem and can create a lot of jealousy. So, I have compiled a list of ways to stop this green eyed monster from taking over your beautiful and kickass self. 

1) Do things that make you feel good and sexy: I know I personally feel a lot better about myself when I participate in activities that I enjoy. If you wake up in one of those slumps where you feel insecure and not your best, kick yourself out of bed and go do something you enjoy. For example, I have found that Zumba makes me feel really sexy and free. It releases a lot of stress, helps me get fit, and makes me feel sexy. When there isn't a Zumba class to go to, I listen to music/go to the gym or hang with friends, and maybe read a good book and tan outside. This time to yourself will allow you to get your mind of things, feel sexier, and feel a hell-of-a-lot happier.

2) Stop Asking Bad Questions!!!!: I don't know why people do this one, including myself. Why the hell are we asking ourselves and the people around us questions we don't necessarily want to know the answer to? This will only lead us to disappointment and insecurity. For example, if you are with a new guy or girl, why would you feel the need to ask them all sorts of questions about their exes or their past history? I mean I personally know why. We are all half curious, but also have some insecurity about how we compare to others. Even if we may be curious about people's pasts or other people's lives, we shouldn't ask questions we know will make ourselves feel insecure. Instead focus on the present, your relationship, and yourself. 

3) Be The Best Version of You Possible: What makes me feel better about myself is realizing my true potential. When we compare ourselves to others we have unrealistic expectations for ourselves. Instead, why not just realize your strong points and accentuate those. For example, you may be staring at the hot, tan, skinny, tall, blonde/brunette girl your ex used to date or hook-up with. You might be thinking, how can I look like that? You might think to yourself how can I become taller, tanner, skinnier, blonder, and smarter. If your short, like me, being tall will never happen unless you always wear heels. So, instead embrace who you are. For me, I used to think being short wasn't beautiful, but I slowly realized I love being tiny. I can be picked up by tall men, one of my weaknesses haha! Aside from the things you can't change, work on playing up the great points of yourself. If you have beautiful eyes, play up your make up to show them off. If you have great legs or a stomach, then show them off too. Also, if you still feel insecure you can always just try and be healthy. I'm not talking about trying to become a stick, but just being fit. Go to the gym regularly or when you can, tan during the summer (make sure to wear sunblock!!), get a new haircut, or try and improve your intelligence or your skills in a new hobby you enjoy. All this should help you feel better about yourself in no time!

4) Talk It Out: If you are feeling insecure, sometimes the best thing to do is just to talk it out. Vent to your friends, your family, or a professional. For the people who you can really open up to, let it all out. Sometimes getting things off your chest can just make you feel better instead of letting it foster inside. Also, if you are feeling jealous in a relationship it is always beneficial to talk about your feelings. Don’t over do it though because you can scare your partner. Just tell them your feelings and maybe why you could be feeling this way. Who knows, maybe than can help you and reassure you that things are okay. Just make sure to not control what your partner says or does. Let them help you and not you trying to control them.

5) Be Conscious and Don’t Depend On Praise: Lastly, always be conscious of your own feelings and really try to get to the root of the issue. Why is it that you feel this way? Also, never depend on praise and compliments from others to make you feel confident. Confidence really does come from within and it’s really hard to train yourself to become that way. It doesn’t come easy and it takes a lot of work. 

Hopefully, following my advice can help some of you feel more confident and less jealous of others. In the end, we should all really help each other out and make other people feel better about themselves too. Our society doesn’t just consist of one person, it consists of all of us. Thus, we need to work on being friendlier to each other instead of putting other people down to make ourselves feel better. 

Hope this helps!

-Alexa

Summer Fling, Don't Mean A Thing

The thought of summer flings are always in the back of every single girl's mind and some guys. Having time of from school and the warmth of the beautiful summer air creates the perfect opportunity for a summer romance to come about. Meeting new people, sometimes with the thrill of knowing it's a short-term arrangement, can be exhilarating. Summer flings can be amazing, but what happens when time is up at the end of summer? Sometimes one person falls for the other person and the other doesn't. Sometimes both partners want to continue the arrangement through the year. The question is how do you have a successful summer fling without anyone getting their feelings hurt? I hope to answer that question for you all in this post. Maybe I can help some of you enjoy your short-term romance rather than dread the end of it. So, here are my tips for maintaining a summer fling:

1) Communication: Just as in any other kind of relationship, communication is key! It is really vital to know that you two are on the same page about where things are headed and what you want to get out of the situation. Sometimes people rush into things and enjoy the moment without thinking. While this can be fun, it's important to take a step back and ask yourself what exactly is going on here. Having a conversation with your partner about what you want from this can clear up any confusion you both have. Talk about what you want, where things are headed, and what you are going to do at the end of summer.

2) Throw Your Laundry List Out: I don't mean your actual list of chores, I'm talking about your list of high standard qualities you have so meticulously put together of your future partner. Summer flings aren't meant to be serious, unless you both choose to carry the romance on past summer. So why be so picky? If you are attracted to the person and enjoy being around them, who cares if they aren't interning at a hedge fund or at a law firm and instead work as a waiter? Who cares what their beliefs are? This is meant to be a non-serious-short-term relationship. Also, sometimes it is better to look for people who don't have the boyfriend qualities you want, that way you may not be prone to falling for them. 

3) You, not Jesus, Take The Wheel: Always be in control of your summer romances. You need to make sure you make the most of those eight weeks of non-committed fun. Don't waste your time chasing after someone who is not interested. A challenge is pointless for the little time summer has to offer. Set a timeline and stick to it. Don't waste those few weeks of endless fun.

4) A Good Book Always Has An Ending: If you guys so choose to end things when the leaves change colors and the students head back to school, don't look back. Every good thing sometimes have to come to an end. A summer fling is supposed to be enjoyable, but it's called a summer fling for a reason. Sometimes there is pleasure in things that are meant to only happen once. You enjoy the experience and then it just becomes an amazing memory. Also, if you and your partner don't agree on ending things it can create friction and lead to a bad ending, leaving sour memories for you both. Simply if you both realize you want to end things, keep it amicable. No hard feelings, just great memories and a fun summer. What I am saying above is for people either choosing not to keep the romance going through the year or people who don't agree with their partners on what to do. If both of you decide to keep what you have through out the year, make sure you both are on the same page. I will also write another blog post on how to make a summer romance last through the year. 

I hope these tips help make things clearer on how to have more of a successful summer romance. If you guys have any questions or advice to ask me, comment below or use the contact form box on the left side of my blog. For a list of places to meet people to have a summer fling with, check below.

Until next time,

Alexa

Places to meet possible summer flings:

1) Your job

2) Music Festivals

3) Volunteer opportunities/retreats

4) Summer Classes

5) Tinder/Grindr

Words for Wednesday: Good Relationships

Love is what makes the world go round. But, is all love healthy? Loving the wrong person can be very toxic, but also consuming relationships can be toxic too. It's important to know how to have good relationships and avoid ones that can take a toll on you and the people around you. I'm not even talking about abusive relationships. Relationships can be toxic even if there is no abuse going on. There really isn't that much awareness of what healthy love looks like. The modern perceptions of love are somewhat screwed up if you ask me. So here is my take on a what a healthy/good relationship looks like.

Healthy Relationships: The best way I can describe a healthy relationship is a quote from the poet Khalil Gibran: "Let there be spaces in your togetherness and let the winds of heaven dance between you. Love one another, but make not a bond of love: let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your soles."

It wasn't until this year that I really understood what this phrase meant. My mom actually shared this quote with me last summer and at the time I was still too inexperienced to know what real healthy love was. The quote just didn't stick with me until I discovered myself and my own passions when I went off to college this past year. I realized that love isn't supposed to be so consuming that all you do is want to spend time with each other. I realized that it's very important to not spend every waking moment with that person, but instead have some space for your own time to work on your own passions and creativity. The best kind of love is where you can spend the time apart to work on your passions, but then come together as one in the end of the day and support each other. You want to be like two pillars holding up a building. You both are individuals and have your own passions, but you can come together to support a big statue, like a building, with the love that you have built. In my own opinion, this is the definition of a healthy relationship. Of course there are other factors that play into a relationship and I have listed some below, but I think this one is the most important of them all. 

How To Have A Healthy Relationship:

1) COMMUNICATION!!! I cannot stress this one enough, seriously though. Every time a friend asks me for relationship advice, it is usually a communication problem. If you can't communicate honestly and openly with your significant other, how is it possible to have a lasting relationship with them? Say you have problem with something your partner is doing, but you are too scared to tell them...how do you expect them to fix the problem? It sure as hell won't get fixed by beating around the bush. You have to be able to trust your partner in order to have proper communication and if you don't trust them, how can you have an intimate relationship with them?

2) Similar Values and Philosophies: I have found it extremely important for couples to share the same values and philosophies. Having shared interests is important, but having shared values will strengthen the foundation of your relationship immensely. When your partner's values clashes with yours, it creates tremendous discomfort in the relationship.

3) Do Productive Things Together: Instead of just laying around with your significant other, try something new with them. Learn how to dance, play a sport, cook, fish, or play an instrument together. Even travel to new places together and I'm not talking big distances, just something outside of your norm. Doing new things like this can bond couples together and create great memories. Not only is this beneficial to your relationship, but it also benefits you alone.

Hopefully this helps some of you out there realize what you want and don't want in a relationship! If any of you have any questions you can comment on here or use the contact me section in the sidebar.

Love,
Alexa